Nothing in Common – “You are not my Type”



The words “you are not my type”, simply describe the common features that would bring people together, usually physical. Now the deeper meaning of being someone type is usually not so obvious. The commonalities that are most significant for a relationships to occur are mostly hidden in the soul. Many relationships are based on the connections shared with the person, largely built on commonalities from the past. It could be past hurts, financial lack and similar backgrounds between souls. Some people find their soulmates because the souls were able to identify each other based on the similar experiences they had gone through. These experiences whether known or unknown to the couple lead to unexplained attraction and attachment and result in a meaningful relationship.  

The complication comes when one soul or both souls haven’t healed from the negative experiences of the past. If both haven’t healed, the relationship becomes toxic and lead to unhealthy dependence. If one has healed, the relationship could be beneficial to the one that is still suffering, maybe even get their healing from it, if they allow it. Resistance to healing creates a strain on the one that had healed and possibly lead to power struggles within the relationship and an inevitable breakup. However if the two soul heal together they can now focus helping each other to avoid going through the same troubles and grow together. This relationship is based on the common goals and built on the strong foundation to make it last. 

The notion of opposites attract doesn’t work here. Hurt attract hurting, broken attracts broken, weak attract weak, and so on. It is thus important to understand why you are attracted to a certain type. It is also useful to check whether your soul commonalities are based on negative or positive experiences. The soul usually remembers the negative experiences especially when it is still seeking healing. The reason, most relationships are based on past hurts is that a lot of people haven’t healed. We walk around with soul wounds that haven’t been addressed. In most instances, it becomes the partner’s responsibility to address and heal their partner’s soul. For instance, in a heterosexual relationship, a woman who is hoping to heal from the pain of financial lack she experience from childhood, she might expect her male partner to create financial stability. Failure to do so, would affect the relationship badly. Again if the other partner is still dealing with issue of childhood rejection, their partners would be responsible for making sure that they feels accepted at all times. Any signs of disapproval and possible rejection, send an alarm to the guy’s system that the relationship is not functioning accordingly.

These unrealistic expectations would put a strain on any relationship. It is difficult to support and comfort someone from something that happened in their past. This creates fights that are not understood, and can’t be clearly communicated because their source is mostly not obvious. In the end, couples would either break it off or find another one to fulfil those parts of their soul seeking healing. Couples dealing with similar hurts, may find the relationship fulfilling in the beginning.  Most aspects of the relationships would feel familiar, like a feeling of “being home” as the souls find comfort in each other. However there comes a point to grow, which would be good if they both grow at the same rate. More often than not, one gets stuck in comfort zone, while one seeks to explore more growth opportunities within the relationship.



What can be done then?
The goal for each individual is to identify and heal from most past hurts and negative experiences, while they are still single.  While waiting for the perfect match who has resolved their issues of the past, we should resolve our own issues. You will always attract your type whether based on their positive or negative traits. Focusing on our own healing is far more beneficial than spending time trying to fix a relationship that is based on pain. Once our souls are healed, we will have no commonalities with the wounded souls. There will be no attraction, therefore meaning they will no longer be your type. They might still feel you are their types because their soul’s looks at your in wonder, envy and interest on how you managed to do the amazing work of healing, but you will not recognise the commonalities once you have healed and buried all the pain, rejection and inequities of the past. Your soul will not need them for anything and they will not be able to offer you anything.

What the Bible says about Soul Commonalities
So now most people take it as an insult when someone tells them they are not their types. This understandable because this is usually said with a negative connotation. For example when Jesus would talk about having nothing in common with someone, it was with the devil (Prince of the world) in John 14:30 and with the demoniac who dwelled in the tombs in Mark 5. From many scriptures in the bible we know the relationship Jesus had with the devil and demons. He was able to resist the devil even when he appeared to know what Jesus needed for example when Jesus was hungry, the devil asked him to turn stones into break in Matthew 4:3. The devil also quoted the scripture when he wanted Jesus to throw himself down for God to rescue Him, “for it is written, He will command his angels”. Most people would get confused, once someone speaks the same language as you (quoting the scripture), it seems you have something in common. But Jesus didn’t seem to be affected by the fake commonalities Satan displayed. This is because His Soul had nothing in common with the devil. Instead he was able to resist all his endeavors. 

We are also encouraged to resist all the persuasion from the people who will not bring any positive growth due to their negative soul balance, (James 4:7)- resist the devil and he will flee. No matter how convincing it may sound, there’s no need to be shaken. We need to have a relationship with God that would help us heal and forget our past offenses and inequities. “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more” Hebrew 8:12.  For as he forgives us we also forgive ourselves and heal from the past wounds, offenses and inequities. From there we start seeing ourselves as God sees us and not rely on romantic relationship to heal us. Only that resembles Christ will be our types, if we know we are:
Loved- John 3:16
Worthy- Zephaniah 3:17
Purposed- Jeremiah 29:11
His- 1 John 3:1




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