Reflections of a rural girl

Two years ago I had to move to Durban, after I spent 10 years of my career life in Pretoria. I had arrived in Pretoria with only a medium suitcase and a small bag of clothes, and you can imagine how much stuff I accumulated over the years. I had bought an apartment, cars, furniture, appliances, dishes and lots of clothing. Being an independent lady that I am, I mostly planned my voyage alone, didn't share or ask for advise because I thought I had it all handled. I  hired a trailer  and I remember feeling proud that I had thought of that idea, because I was going to save a lot of money on hiring movers. I  was positive that all my stuff would fit in that trailor. Boy was I wrong!! I could only fit one bed, one couch, washing machine and smaller items. I remember thinking I would need to courier some of the stuff but soon realised it would be too expensive. I  had no choice but to do a painful exercise of deciding which of my hard earned possessions to leave ...

Growing up in a strict household with stringent rules, especially towards girls has shaped me be a strong willed and courageous woman. Sounds great right? Put in other words, it  made me stubborn  and a difficult woman who doesn't want to be told what to do, especially by a male counterparts. This has manifested in me trying to win every argument with people close to me, especially male . If I lose the argument I would feel a deep sense of bitterness towards him and start withdrawing from a relationship/ friendship because "they" are a problem. This has all been a defense mechanism from unresolved feelings of being powerless against my autocratic parents. We all deal with our childhood failures and lost battles differently, some withdraw and never attempt to stand up for themselves while others become little fierce monsters 😂 towards anyone who dares take them back to those feelings of helplessness. See that's a problem with trying to bandage on uncleaned wound...

As a church girl, I have always found church proceedings to be beneficial  but not always practical with regards to helping church-goers in achieving their goals and dreams. I know I am stepping on some toes now but hopefully you'll get what I am trying to say. Pastors have different gift and docrines, some are good at motivating, putting you in the right spirit, good mood and a feeling of improved self-worth. Some are teachers of the word, they'll paint a clear picture of the bible and it's meaning. There are also several gifts within the church that help with several spiritual needs. These are all beneficial for our spiritual enhancements and feeding our souls. Howerever I have found these not to be always practical. Many times the message is forgotten, let alone practised. I mean what happens after a powerful, fire-filled, holy-ghost-filled service? Do you go home and write down how you will go out there and penetrate the business and corporate world , with...

As a woman of conservative nature, who puts high value on herself and body, I find breakups to evoke feelings of disgust and somewhat shame especially if the relationship was sexual.  Culturally/ socially even religiously, women are taught that their bodies are sacred and should only be shared with their husbands in marriage. Though this is becoming an extremely difficult value to uphold, (staying a virgin till marriage), a conservative woman still wants to share their body with the "right" person. As people and the world evolves, men and women to some extent are finding it difficult to commit to one person. Well I believe its due to women becoming more liberal with their sexuality and improved financial statutes. Unlike in days when a woman would stay, in an abusive marriage, for financial security, most women work and don't need men in that sense. Even with this shift, there are still women who place high values on their bodies (cake). The difficult part now comes ...