Fix yourself first!!


Growing up in a strict household with stringent rules, especially towards girls has shaped me be a strong willed and courageous woman. Sounds great right? Put in other words, it  made me stubborn  and a difficult woman who doesn't want to be told what to do, especially by a male counterparts. This has manifested in me trying to win every argument with people close to me, especially male . If I lose the argument I would feel a deep sense of bitterness towards him and start withdrawing from a relationship/ friendship because "they" are a problem. This has all been a defense mechanism from unresolved feelings of being powerless against my autocratic parents.

We all deal with our childhood failures and lost battles differently, some withdraw and never attempt to stand up for themselves while others become little fierce monsters 😂 towards anyone who dares take them back to those feelings of helplessness. See that's a problem with trying to bandage on uncleaned wounds, they never heal and anyone who dares touch them faces full wrath of the devil inside😈.

 The most unhappy people stare up trouble and point fingures at other people. When I lacked confidence I could quickly notice people who "thought they were better than me" , because they rised up and did something I was too afraid to do.  
There are people who are defensive, who come out gun blazing at a smallest threat towards whatever thing related to thier unresolved past. You can never win an argument with these people because they've had so many arguments and have practised skills to shut you down. It could be that they grew up where they felt they were not being heard. It could even take one incidence, maybe in primary school, where everyone totally ignored your opinion even though you were sure you are right. You then made a promise to never let it happen again.

The first most important battle to conquer is the one within. Stop and notice why you fighting, why are you trying to fix everybody else while the person who needs  fixing is you. After the internal conflict is conquered you will find it unnecessary to fight to be heared because that little child who was ignored is long gone.  Maybe you will stop serial dating or sleeping around to get validation, attention and appreciation because you acknowledge your own abilities, you know your worth and do not need external confirmation to strive.

To be continued...☺☺


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Finding Strength Within: A Young Mother's Journey of Self-Acceptance

Image
Life has a way of surprising us, doesn't it? When I became a mother at the young age of 19, I was filled with doubts and uncertainty. I couldn't help but question whether I was capable of raising my son. Little did I know that the support system I needed was already there, waiting to reveal itself. Looking back on my journey, I now realize that I was always enough for my son, and the love and care of my family were more than sufficient to shape his life. The Doubts and Struggles of a Young Mother: Becoming a mother at 19 was not part of my plan. As I held my newborn son in my arms, waves of self-doubt crashed over me. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was lacking something crucial—a second parent figure to provide the stability and guidance my son needed. Society's expectations weighed heavily on my young shoulders, making me question if I would ever be enough for my child. The Existing Support Structure: What I failed to realize at the time was that I was not alone i...
Read more

Loved me back to life

Image
When you are a young mom and someone tells you that you are damaged goods and will never find love again, it breaks your spirit. Even though you know not to believe such stupidity, it sticks with you. It becomes evident when a seemingly good guy approaches you; you don't want to believe what they say, no matter how genuine it seems. Accepting the good things they say  requires you to confront your inequities and open up to them and and that's risky. What if you get hurt again?  You know you can't afford to be hurt again because you need your strength for 2 people now, you and your child. These are the thoughts that come to your mind. And you just dismiss all efforts they make to get your attention. I know of people who totally give up on the idea of bieng in a relationship due to the terrible experiences they had from their toxic relationships. The emotional hurt leaves invisible scars that are only visible through fear of opening up to feel again.  I believe God send...
Read more

Leaving Stuff Behind- Healing Your Soul Series

Image
Two years ago I had to move to Durban, after I spent 10 years of my career life in Pretoria. I had arrived in Pretoria with only a medium suitcase and a small bag of clothes, and you can imagine how much stuff I accumulated over the years. I had bought an apartment, cars, furniture, appliances, dishes and lots of clothing. Being an independent lady that I am, I mostly planned my voyage alone, didn't share or ask for advise because I thought I had it all handled. I  hired a trailer  and I remember feeling proud that I had thought of that idea, because I was going to save a lot of money on hiring movers. I  was positive that all my stuff would fit in that trailor. Boy was I wrong!! I could only fit one bed, one couch, washing machine and smaller items. I remember thinking I would need to courier some of the stuff but soon realised it would be too expensive. I  had no choice but to do a painful exercise of deciding which of my hard earned possessions to leave ...
Read more