Redefining Closure: Finding Resolution Within


Closure, often regarded as the resolution or conclusion to a matter.  While we typically look to others for closure, the most fruitful place to discover it is within ourselves.

When a relationship ends, we often claim to seek closure. However, in reality, we tend to amplify the other person's faults, attempting to alleviate our own pain. We confirm our victimhood when that person admits to mistreating us, absolving ourselves of any contribution to our own detriment.

However, embracing the role of a victim does not heal our pain; it only reinforces a belief that we are passive participants in life, subjected to events beyond our control. Ultimately, this leads to prolonged suffering. The conventional notion of closure places us in the victim's position, compelling us to seek sympathy, which frequently leaves our soul wounds unhealed (refer to the previous post on Unhealed Soul Wounds).

 True closure unfolds as a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and personal honesty. Instead of bombarding the other person with questions, it is time to delve into deep introspection and commit to answering the following inquiries:

What beliefs about myself have been shaken or confirmed by this loss or failed relationship? These may include convictions such as never finding love again, never being able to trust anyone, never experiencing that same feeling with another person, or never recovering the lost time. We have fed ourselves these beliefs, but we have the power to train our minds to believe differently. Rather than succumbing to defeating thoughts, we can nurture optimistic beliefs by gradually dismantling negative thought patterns and emotions.

What beliefs about the other person are causing me the most pain? Perhaps you considered them an angel who could never harm you, believing they loved you too much for that. It is evident that these beliefs were both unrealistic and must be relinquished for internal closure to take root. When we start perceiving the other person as an ordinary human being devoid of superpowers to keep us content, we can critically examine the expectations we placed upon them. They might be individuals plagued by their own insecurities and a desire for attention, as discussed in part one.

 Beliefs about the world/community. Another reason we burden ourselves with unnecessary pressure to find closure is the desire to explain the situation to others. However, attempting to clarify something we ourselves do not fully comprehend can be highly stressful and frustrating. It is crucial to understand that we owe no one an explanation except ourselves. If things are still unclear to us, we should not feel compelled to explain them to others. People will inquire, but we have the power to choose what we share. Those who genuinely care about us should be able to understand and support us, even in the absence of clear explanations.


Continual growth: Just because we have experienced failure once, twice, or multiple times does not mean we are destined for failure. After enduring a great heartache, it is important to enhance your knowledge in areas that are still unclear. Through reading, watching videos, and writing, one can embark on a journey of personal growth. This shift allows you to evolve from seeking closure as a means to confirm the other person's mistakes to recognizing and understanding your own weaknesses while building your own competence. 

Conclusion:

The ultimate objective is to transition from someone seeking meaning by comprehending other people's behavior to someone who examines the beliefs challenged by that behaviour. The most valuable lesson lies in recognizing that the beliefs causing us harm can be transformed from within. Understanding this empowers us to stop wasting time seeking external validation for people's actions. Instead, we direct our focus toward understanding the reasons behind our heartache, thereby finding closure from within.

 

Yes, closure as we commonly perceive it is deceptive. We need not seek it, call, or text. Instead, let us move forward and embark on a healing journey.


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