Reflections of a rural girl

Closure, often regarded as the resolution or conclusion to a matter.  While we typically look to others for closure, the most fruitful place to discover it is within ourselves. When a relationship ends, we often claim to seek closure. However, in reality, we tend to amplify the other person's faults, attempting to alleviate our own pain. We confirm our victimhood when that person admits to mistreating us, absolving ourselves of any contribution to our own detriment. However, embracing the role of a victim does not heal our pain; it only reinforces a belief that we are passive participants in life, subjected to events beyond our control. Ultimately, this leads to prolonged suffering. The conventional notion of closure places us in the victim's position, compelling us to seek sympathy, which frequently leaves our soul wounds unhealed (refer to the previous post on Unhealed Soul Wounds).   True closure unfolds as a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and personal hones...

A Facebook Philosopher wrote " Closure is a scam, don't seek it, don't call, don't text, just move on. You'll heal!"  Some people seem to master the skill of just fading away from a relationship or fustrating you till either you or the relationship breaks. Leaving you wondering what the hell happened. Men are far better at this than women, it is no surprise that a man wrote that Facebook post. Women usually want answers, especially if they cared about someone. This is also because women are much better at communicating their emotions. Women want to deliberate, discuss, confront, cry, shout, do whatever it takes until they know for sure that things will never work out.  Unfortunately this doesn't always happen, when one person decides to pull the plug with no explanation, the other partner is left wondering what happened. It is even more heartbreaking when one  partner tries  to reach out and they are met with coldness and a brick wall, leaving them hurt, c...

Though far more complicated, our souls wounds can be likened to the physical wounds.  When we are wounded physically , we don't go around pretending all is normal. We buy ointments, disinfectants, bandages to make sure we assist the healing process. We only stop taking exta care of once we are healed. An untreated and ignored wound builds a layer of thick skin, which makes it look like it is healing from the outside but things would be getting messy inside. The puss eats the flesh and digs even a deeper wound. Depending on the size of wound if left  untreated,it cause severe medical conditions. Our souls wounds are similar, when we get hurt emotionally we are to treat our wounds with care, try to find ways for us to heal so that we can live our lives to the full. The unfortunate truth is that we hardly ever pay attention to the soul would. We pretend we are okay just because the evidence is hidden from a naked eye, we lie to ourselves and others that we are not affected j...

When you are a young mom and someone tells you that you are damaged goods and will never find love again, it breaks your spirit. Even though you know not to believe such stupidity, it sticks with you. It becomes evident when a seemingly good guy approaches you; you don't want to believe what they say, no matter how genuine it seems. Accepting the good things they say  requires you to confront your inequities and open up to them and and that's risky. What if you get hurt again?  You know you can't afford to be hurt again because you need your strength for 2 people now, you and your child. These are the thoughts that come to your mind. And you just dismiss all efforts they make to get your attention. I know of people who totally give up on the idea of bieng in a relationship due to the terrible experiences they had from their toxic relationships. The emotional hurt leaves invisible scars that are only visible through fear of opening up to feel again.  I believe God send...

The words “you are not my type”, simply describe the common features that would bring people together, usually physical. Now the deeper meaning of being someone type is usually not so obvious. The commonalities that are most significant for a relationships to occur are mostly hidden in the soul. Many relationships are based on the connections shared with the person, largely built on commonalities from the past. It could be past hurts, financial lack and similar backgrounds between souls. Some people find their soulmates because the souls were able to identify each other based on the similar experiences they had gone through. These experiences whether known or unknown to the couple lead to unexplained attraction and attachment and result in a meaningful relationship.   The complication comes when one soul or both souls haven’t healed from the negative experiences of the past. If both haven’t healed, the relationship becomes toxic and lead to unhealthy dependence. If one ha...

Two years ago I had to move to Durban, after I spent 10 years of my career life in Pretoria. I had arrived in Pretoria with only a medium suitcase and a small bag of clothes, and you can imagine how much stuff I accumulated over the years. I had bought an apartment, cars, furniture, appliances, dishes and lots of clothing. Being an independent lady that I am, I mostly planned my voyage alone, didn't share or ask for advise because I thought I had it all handled. I  hired a trailer  and I remember feeling proud that I had thought of that idea, because I was going to save a lot of money on hiring movers. I  was positive that all my stuff would fit in that trailor. Boy was I wrong!! I could only fit one bed, one couch, washing machine and smaller items. I remember thinking I would need to courier some of the stuff but soon realised it would be too expensive. I  had no choice but to do a painful exercise of deciding which of my hard earned possessions to leave ...